Fear and loathing in St. Nicholas': the Cathedral Refectory.

Refectory of St. Nicholas’ Cathedral
St Nicholas Churchyard, Newcastle Upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear NE1 1PF
Tel: 0191 232 1939

Ambience: Soporific
Alcohol licence: No
Food: Small and uninspiring selection of stereotypical baked goods
Price of a standard coffee: £1.30

Initial Thoughts:
After a pleasant stroll through the reverential innards of the Cathedral and a quick potter through a congenial open courtyard I was rather disappointed with the inside of the refectory. Gloomy, unwelcoming and frankly quite messy with chairs piled in the corners, first impressions weren’t good. Cheap folding camp tables enhanced the scout-hut ambience, reinforced with panache by the crisps displayed in cardboard boxes by the till. With an odd mish-mash of IKEA style prints and 18th century portraiture giving just a hint of schizophrenic senility rather than eclecticism. To top off the air of mild disorganisation and eccentricity was the presence of a random solitary coat-hanger and a sweet stand rather strangely placed behind a barricade of folded tables and bin bags in the corner.

The Lowdown:
Reasonably priced at £1 for tea and only thirty pence more for coffee I wasn’t too disappointed to find myself faced with a wholly unremarkable cup of Nescafe’s finest. Although perfectly drinkable it’s not exactly my idea of an afternoon well spent wasting money on something I have an abundance of at home. To their credit continuity was excellent with the coffee arriving in a super stylish elliptical cup and saucer and the tea arriving in a seventies floral mug. Perhaps a lack of any cohesion is deliberate and thoroughly thought out?

Verdict:
On the plus side, it is unpretentious and reasonably priced. However there is little to no atmosphere. Why does proximity to a cathedral make everyone automatically whisper? It is a cathedral cafe though and anyone who expects great things from an Anglican tea room is probably as mad as I suspect the interior designer of the refectory to be. With much better dedicated coffee shops within a stone’s throw I can only really recommend the café on the back of its modest pricing.

Rating: ☻☻☺☺☺

JOHN SIMMS